Thursday, 29 December 2011

The Gift that keeps on Giving (Head)

Originally posted HERE.

I've encountered only one man in my life who would pass up a blow job. To this day, I believe him to be part of a small minority who genuinely don't care for the sensation of a pair of soft lips and a warm, wet tongue on their most erogenous zone. There are other men who think they don't like blow jobs but in fact have never dared to tell her how it ought to be done, and so they feign complete indifference to oral stimulation full stop. It saddens me to think of both her wasted time and effort and the fact that these men are missing out on what should be one of the most pleasurable experiences they can have at the hands (and mouths) of better educated women.
Educating your other half about these matters doesn't stop at technique. A shocking number of women refuse to give head at all, depriving their men because of a misguided belief that performing blow jobs makes them "sluts". Once again, I blame porn for the poorest portrayal of oral sex, not only in terms of action (furious up-and-down sucking and rubbing from start to laborious finish) but also for its depiction of Barbie-doll female protagonists as sex slaves with no will of their own. The sooner men and women sever the imaginary link between low-end screen sex and real life, the sooner they'll be truly liberated and won't feel cheap about pleasing each other and, ultimately, themselves.

One thing most men have in common is their love of giving head to a woman. More fascinating are the reasons why they love it. Putting aside the obvious - intense levels of intimacy and the fact that you're giving your woman a great time - there is an element of control involved in going down, that you can't help but be tempted by. Her body and climax are, effectively, at your command. If men recognise that they are exerting control over a woman when they give head, why should a woman feel subservient and enslaved when they take a man into their mouth? Why they don't see giving head in a more positive way is a mystery to me. My advice is that if she's reluctant, help her understand. Make sure she realises just how easily she can turn you on.

To me, there is nothing more satisfying than giving and receiving the kind of oral sex that happens spontaneously. Not because anyone has asked to receive and not because anyone feels pressured to give, but because (and this is the key) it turns the giver on as much as the receiver. When I give my man a blow job, by the time he's moaning and encouraging me to quicken the pace as he nears climax, I am so wet I could float Roman Abramovich's yacht. Why? Because I know that I have just brought him to this point with my mouth, with my technique and, most significantly, with my free will.

Then of course, there's the sweet anticipation of what I can expect if I time things correctly. I know that if I stop just shy of him climaxing, he will flip me over and push into me so hard, that I will barely be able to breathe. He'll be so enraptured by the sensations I give him that he'll worship me. It won't be power-driven sex; it will be gorgeous, desperate yet considerate sex. Your woman should know that you'll be aching to make her feel as good as she made you feel and if that's not enough reason to get excited about giving head, nothing is.

Counter her assumption that it will all be over once you come by assuring her that it's an intense part of foreplay. Sadly, some women are cynical about a man's bedside manners and will assume that if a blow job takes you to climax, then it's game over and she won't get any more attention. Encourage her to adopt a soixante-neuf position so she doesn't feel like she's missing out. Do whatever you can to prove to her that a blow job is not a favour, but a whole lot of fun. This might also involve a bit of confidence-building, because reluctance to give head often stems from lack of experience and fear of getting it wrong. Women know how they like it, so do men, and unless you're an adolescent boy, there definitely is such a thing as a bad blow job.

The answer? Communication. There's no better alternative to telling her exactly how you like it, in the most constructive and arousing way possible. No one responds positively to a step-by-step guide, but once she's in position, tell her when she's getting it right. If her tongue fleetingly dancing over the head of your cock feels divine, then ask for more. Tell her to keep doing it while she guides you in and out of her mouth. If you need a firm hand around the base of your cock as she applies sucking pressure to the shaft, then take her hand and, with yours over hers, show her how hard and how fast you like it. A man who knows what he wants is a huge turn-on, and hand-on-hand contact is tactile and appealing to her.

What a woman never wants to feel is intimidated. A blow job can easily turn into a power battle if you approach it in the wrong way. While one woman will get off on kneeling in front of you, it will deeply offend another, to the point where your cock will never near her mouth again. Find out her preference for spitting or swallowing and respect it without question - one day you might be pleasantly surprised, but the choice is always hers. To maintain an equilibrium until you've established her oral boundaries, lie down but elevate your head slightly so you can see, have her face you and straddle your legs - in this position she can set the pace and make eye contact with you. I don't need to explain to you why this makes all the difference, but make sure it's clear to her. The intensity created by her looking into your eyes as she gives you head is electrifying, for her and you. She'll gauge how much you're enjoying everything she's doing and she'll love the expressions of pleasure on your face when she gets it blissfully right.

If she goes straight in for the kill by forcing your cock as far down her throat as possible, her head bobbing up and down like a nodding dog, slow her right down. Ask her to alternate long, feather-light tongue strokes (especially on the tip and the underside), with strong sucking motions, accompanied by a hand near the base and some attention to your balls. Variation will ensure that she won't get lock jaw, you won't get bored and you'll experience a whole array of delicious sensations. Talk to her and encourage the techniques you enjoy with some moans of pleasure and a hand in her hair, gently pulling her head in closer. Only when you're ready to orgasm should you let her build strong, uninterrupted, rhythmic motions - don't be afraid to take it right to the end on occasion. Because make no mistake, it's a feeling of triumph when a man orgasms after some well-performed oral. Who wouldn't feel smug about that?

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